one HECK of a day!

so today... well yesterday I went to a birthday party for one of my nieces... and one of my step brothers was there with his wife... they have 3 children and the told me one on the way as of 2 months ago... UGH!!!! they kind of threw it in my face that they are pregnant AGAIN!!! sheesh... what does it take for me to get pregnant?!?!? this FRIGGIN SUCKS!!!! and also Marks co-worker's wife just had her baby today... or yesterday... but the thing with them is they had been trying for 6 months to get pregnant got on clomid and BAM pregnant!

right now Mark and I are watching his sisters girls while her and her husband are in Alaska! but they get back tomorrow night!!! their girls are AMAZINGLY GOOD! there was ONE melt down day and that was hard but we struggled through it! and thank GOODNESS for his sister thinking of giving us the weekend off!!! :) we were sooooooooooooooooooooo happy to go home and sleep in our own bed! and have our own stuff around us! and the new Harry Potter movie came out! the last one... I'm sad its over but WOW was that one good!!! Mark took me out to go see it on Sat. it was nice to get out just the two of us! we both were happy to not have any kids at that moment... but I was telling Mark that it would be soooooooooooooo different with our own children because you get use to the idea from the day you find out your pregnant! you start getting use to the idea of being on "Mommy, Daddy" mode and its all about the kids... but with us still trying to conceive we arnt quiet there yet... and we obviously have time to get into that "mode"!

so here I am... at almost 4:00 in the morning... only getting about 30 mins. of sleep... and I'm going to have to get up in about 2-3 hours... but I finally fell asleep after tossing and turning and then my niece woke up crying so I got up and made sure she was alright and put her back to bed but then I couldnt sleep... so Im up updating this! lol its ok... I just have to get through this last day with the girls and then Marks sister gets home tonight! :) as far as TTC stuff... well I feel like I'm going to Start my period... but on the plus side of that if I do start that would mean my cycle is getting regular again! :) its shorter then the last 50 day cycle and before that 100+ day cycle! so thats a good thing! I have been thinking about not ttc and maybe just NTNP (not try not prevent) again... and focus on loosing weight... its just soooooo hard looking in the mirror and seeing a stranger... a BIG FAT stranger looking back at me... and plus if/when we do have children I want to set good habits and be a good example to my children! I dont want them to have to deal with all of my struggles... if they get Marks metabolism then they wont have to deal with it... and Ive been thinking about going home and throwing out all of our JUNK food and stocking up with TONS of vegies and fruits! I LOVE THEM! so I should EAT more of them right? and not have a problem with it... but then I have those DANG CRAVINGS! and they are the DEATH of me! I know if I lost some weight it might help with us conceiving... and I know I would feel a MILLION times better about myself and the way I feel... but ttc AND trying to loose weight is just too hard for me emotionally... its already hard just to do one or the other but BOTH?!?! now thats just CRUEL! so I'm going to stick with my deadline of February if I'm not pregnant by then... then I'm going to NTNP and work on getting healthy and skinny! :) it doesn't mean that I cant start making healthier decisions NOW... but I'm not going to focus on loosing weight until February! I cant remember if I said in my last post why I decided on February or not but I will post again just in case... lol I have always wanted my babies to be born anywhere from end of May to end of October! so yeah... well that ended up being a LOT longer then I intended it to be... so I will end here!! :)