feelings...

sorry its been sooooooooooooo long since I posted... I've been busy and also down in the dumps... first off I'm not pregnant! :( BOO!!! I was soooooooooooooo excited for last cycle... it was like being a child on Christmas morning! I was hoping that I would be able to give everyone a gift saying that we were pregnant but it was not meant to be... so I had a little pity party for myself... but I wasn't able to stay down in the dumps for very long... we had soooooooooo much going on with Christmas and New Years! Mark had 3 weeks off!! :) it was so nice having him home! he goes back on Monday and I'm REALLY sad to see him go... :( but life goes on! anywho Marks brother Glen came for Christmas with his son Jon. (they live in Chicago) and then is other son Tristan and Tristan's girlfriend Viv came out the day after Christmas! it was really nice seeing them and being able to spend time with them! we spent almost every day with them! and if we weren't with them we were with other family! it was fun! but man am I glad its just back to being Mark, Gracie and me! for Christmas my sisters decided that they weren't even going to invite me to "our Family" Christmas party/dinner... so Mark, Gracie and I just stayed home... I cried to Mark telling him that I was a failure, I couldn't get pregnant, I'm a FAT COW, and my Family hates me! :( it was not fun! but Mark reassured me that it is their loss that I'm not in their lives and that I will be a mother and that I'm (in his words) a pretty pretty princess! lmao! he really is the BEST husband anyone could ever ask for! I just love him soooooooo much! so even though my feelings are hurt by my family once again... I'm still HAPPY! :) I can let go of the stupidity for their petty reasons for hating me or not allowing me to be apart of the "family"! I can be the "bigger" person if they will not! and for now just get my feelings hurt and let it go!

so its onto the next cycle... I am back to not having a lot of faith that it will ever happen for me... but it is what it is! I have faith that I WILL get pregnant just not so much with this cycle! lol ;) I cant remember if I said in the last post that maybe my dream was saying that I was going to get pregnant in June instead of last month... Idk only time will tell! :) TTFN! :)