my appointment... and a BIG SURPRISE!!!

sorry it took so long for me to get in here and post... but Im here now!

so my appointment was as to be expected! my doctor decided that the best thing for me was to take a break from TTC! because of my endo pain she felt my body needed a break! and I agreed with her... I was heart broken to know that I was not going to be ttc anymore... or at least for awhile! but I felt like it was the best thing for me... I wanted to focus on loosing weight and getting healthy! so I slowly started talking myself into being okay with the break! and I truly was okay! I started taking BCP's (birth control pills!) that night and put ANYTHING and EVERYTHING baby or TTC related AWAY!!! I just couldnt stand looking at that stuff! well ... yesterday I decided to test JUST IN CASE!!! I just kept getting this feeling to test... and I kept telling myself to KNOCK it off!!! lol but then finally yesterday I listened to myself and tested! so I took the test and Mark and I jumped in the shower... when we got out I looked at the test and said "OMGOSH!!!!" and Mark said "what its a BFN?" and I looked at him and said "NO theres 2 LINES!!!"

and showed him the test! we were both completely and utterly SHOCKED!!! so I did a digital Clear Blue test and while I was waiting for the results I was shaking and crying and just in AWE! Mark thought I was upset and that was why I was crying... and he said "its ok... BREATH Honey!!!" lol I reassured him I was fine! just SHOCKED! and then the test results were in!!! the word "pregnant" was lit up on the screen of the test!

so there you have it! the most BEAUTIFUL word that you can see while TTC!!! we are completely SHOCKED! nervous and happy!!! :)

tomorrow is my appointment!

I go in to see my OBGYN tomorrow... and to be honest I'm anxious about it... I'm worried that she is going to say that she can't do anything more for me and send me to a RE! :( like my last doctor did... I just don't want this to be it! that my ONLY option to get pregnant is to go see a RE! and lets be honest I REALLY don't want to spend that kind of money! why is it so easy for the majority of people to get pregnant and not me? why are all of my siblings able to get pregnant and not me? I'm just in one of those moods today... frustrated that after almost 3 years of TTC I STILL don't have ANY answers!!! UGH! I wish things were different but they aren't ... and I do need to keep reminding myself that I'm soooooo blessed with all that I already have! I KNOW I am! I KNOW I couldn't get through all of this without Mark by my side holding me when I'm bawling my eyes out... and telling me he loves me! or without my Gracie girl! who tries to lick all of my tears away! or my family! the ones that I can call and tell them I'm having a really bad day and will drop everything and come get me and spend the whole day shopping with me! or my friends online that are ALWAYS there to give me a cyber hug, and who know what I'm going through! I am soooooooooooooo blessed! I LOVE YOU ALL!!! you all have been my support! my ROCK! when I'm not able to carry my load I know ALL of you are there to help me! so I guess I should say THANK YOU!!! it helps to be able to type it all down once in awhile to help get me out of that funk I guess! lol I really don't forget how much support and love I have but when I just typed it, wow it puts things in perspective! so I think I'm going to end it here! and think about what I just typed... TTFN!

Test Results! :)

so a little late... but I needed a little bit of time to let it all sink in... so the results are good! :) I call them SUPER SPERM!!! lol ok the numbers...

for Volume the norm should be 2ML or greater... and Marks was 9 ML!!!

for how many sperm are in a ML the norm should be 20 Mill or grater Marks was 85 MILL!!!

for Total norm is 40 Mill and Marks was 765 MILL!!!

Motility norm is 50% Marks is 69% (motility is if they swim in a straight line! ;) )

Kruger Morphology norm is 15 Marks is 9... (Morphology is the shape the sperm are) and the nurse said that since Mark has SOOOOOOO much sperm the 9 shouldnt be a problem!

so YAY! its nice to know that Marks swimmers are good! and we dont have to add on to the problem... the down side is that we still dont know why I cant get pregnant!!! UGH! it has been bitter sweet! Im THANKFUL that we dont have to deal with MFI (Male Factor Infertility), but it would explain why we cant get pregnant! but I go to my doctor on Tuesday and Im worried that my doctor is going to say that I need to go to a RE! I just would rather get pregnant and spend that money on the baby in stead of paying just to GET PREGNANT! lol but I guess we have to do what we have to do... and wait and see what happens... thats all for now folks! so TTFN!!! :)