an Understanding...

I know its been FOREVER! I just didn't have anything new to say! I'm still not pregnant... and nothing is new with that... I did however decided that I NEED to be thankful for what I HAVE! I have the MOST AMAZING Husband! who LOVES me unconditionally. he is ALWAYS there to lend a ear, hug or a kiss! And My Gracie girl!!! I just Love her sooooooooooo much! she has helped me MANY times! and is ALWAYS there for a kiss if I need one!

The Understanding:

I understand that there is a possibility that I may NEVER give birth to a child! and that is hard to swallow... but its there none the less... so I need to be more focused on the NOW instead of the "WHAT IF's"! I came to the conclusion that I don't WANT to be that person! the person that is ALWAYS complaining about not being able to have something... I started realizing that I was sick of talking about not being able to get pregnant and I was sure if I was getting sick of it then EVERYONE else HAD TO HAVE BEEN TOO!!! lol so right there and then I decided I wouldn't bring it up anymore... if someone else started talking or asking me about it then I would talk about it... but I am not going to be that person any more! I don't want people to feel sorry for me... and I don't want people to feel like they can't share their news about being pregnant with me... I want to celebrate it with everyone! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy that they don't have to struggle with Infertility like Mark and I have to... it did take me a long time to get here though... lol I was bitter not too long ago when I would hear about someone being able to get pregnant and here we are still ttc... and to be honest it does still hurt... but I can be HAPPY for them now! where as before I was too busy being bitter and mad and hurt that I couldn't be. don't get me wrong there are still days where I just want to hide in a hole... and be sad and PISSED, but they don't happen as often... then there are days when I can still look at Mark while he is sleeping and think to myself "I wonder if our baby is going to have his perfect lips?" and be filled with AWE and LOVE! but for now it is what it is! we are who we are... and if I could change the fact that we are childless I would! I wish I could take away all of the hurt and pain Infertility costs all of us that deal with it... but it does make us STRONGER! and maybe we have to deal with something soo heart breaking in order to realize what we have! so everyone that reads this... HUG YOUR HUSBAND tight! :)